So, how did you score this Thanksgiving? Be honest.
Did you really know what to do with your napkin?
Did you eat soup using a spoon without noise, or did you eat soup with a fork?
Did you use a fork to eat turkey, or a club like our Pilgrims?
Did you eat with lips closed so securely you nearly chewed the inside of your mouth?
Did you talk at the appropriate moment, or with your mouth full of potatoes?
Did you make your holiday meal happy happy happy at all times?
Did you eat neatly without producing a ring of spots on the tablecloth beneath your plate?
Did you refrain from spitting unchewable meat into your napkin?
Did you make sure your kids were dressed in suits?
Did you make sure your kids were dressed in suits and short shorts?
Did your kids have to place napkins over their exposed thighs?
Did your dinner have wine glasses filled with water, not wine, the entire night?
Did you know when to take a drink after chewing, even though it was just water?
Did parents in attendance look like grandparents the entire evening?
Was your Thanksgiving Day good or did you wish for something more? Something in color? Without annoying voice-over narration?
If you scored 100%, congratulations. Did you know man has already landed on the moon? Johnny Carson replaced Jack Parr? Computers have replaced typewriters?
Then, and now – however it’s observed – Thanksgiving is still about giving thanks.
I hope it was a happy Thanksgiving for you. And thanks for checking in on mine.